


Of Polar Bears and Boyfriend Kisses

by SiriusNebulae



Category: Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (TV 2016)
Genre: Dirk Gently Being Dirk Gently, First Kiss, Fluff, Humor, M/M, Todd Brotzman is Bad at Feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-13
Updated: 2020-07-13
Packaged: 2021-03-04 22:54:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,019
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25244221
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SiriusNebulae/pseuds/SiriusNebulae
Summary: Todd wasn't expecting Dirk to kiss him goodbye on the cheek before leaving, especially when he was only trying to say Dirk forgot his jacket. Does this mean they're together now? Or is this just Dirk being Dirk?In which kisses are had, and neither polar bears nor Dirk are exactly as they seem.
Relationships: Amanda Brotzman & Todd Brotzman, Todd Brotzman/Dirk Gently
Comments: 11
Kudos: 91





	Of Polar Bears and Boyfriend Kisses

Todd was minding his business on their office couch, focused on playing tetris on his phone. No clients had come in today, or the last week for the matter, but he that was to be expected for a detective agency with a vague title and even more confusing people. Not that Todd thought he was a confusing person, but since Dirk had entered his life, the world had seemed to get more confusing all by itself. He blamed Dirk. 

He was mid game when he heard the office door slam open, a blur of leather jacket running past him before abruptly stopping and running back in front of him.

"Todd!" Dirk absolutely beamed at him in excitement. "I've got a case! _We've_ got a case!" He always looked so excited about a case, or, most times, a nudge from the universe to investigate the weird, bizarre, and baffling. 

"A case or a 'case' case?" 

"Ugh, _Todd_ ," Dirk whined while clutching his chest in affront. "A proper case that even has payment at the end! Aren't you proud of me? It's going to be _so_ fabulous, I can't wait to show you. It might even have- you know, I'm not sure if it will? Possibly, and I mean that _very_ loosely, _possibly_ a polar bear." 

"Again?" 

"There are never too many polar bear cases."

"When they stop being a coincidence, we'd have to change the sign, Dirk. 'Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (Polar Bears are our specialty!)' or 'Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency ft. polar bears.'"

"Those are all absolutely _terrible_ , Todd." Dirk glared at him. "If anything, we'd just add a polar bear picture to the sign. _Obviously._ " He waved his hand dismissively. "Anyways! That's not the point, Todd. We've a new case that may or may not involve another polar bear, and it's happening now! _Let's go._ "

Todd grimaced in his seat. "I can't, Dirk. Amanda's coming over today and I promised we'd do band practice and get dinned together." 

"But she knows that we have cases and can't do things. C'mon, just this once. Please?" 

"Dirk, I barely see her anymore and I don't know when her and the rowdy three will be back in this area of the country again. I'm not going to ditch her, especially after just getting her back." 

Sighing, Dirk looked away and back, smile dimming a little. Todd felt a pang in his chest at the sight, but he couldn't miss Amanda coming over. It had taken them so long to get to this point, back to being brother and sister comfortably, but he still feared doing something awful to her and it all slipping through his fingers again. Dirk forgives quicker than Amanda. Dirk and he spent more time together than him and Amanda.

"Okay, I'll go on my own then. I didn't need an assistant anyways, it's such an easy case. I guess next time we'll investigate together."

Todd smiled. "Sure, Dirk. You know I'm always with you." 

"Of course," Dirk said haughtily, walking toward the door. It had barely been ten minutes since he had come running into the office, but he already was missing his jacket and his hands were somehow covered in ink. Maybe it was paint? The had neither of those in the office. "I'm the best detective you know."

"You're the only detective I know." 

"Exactly!" 

"Hey Dirk," Todd called, Dirk already half out the door sans jacket. "Aren't you forgetting something?" 

Pausing, Dirk slowly stepped back into the office. He patted down his pockets, his hair, the tops of his shoes. He looked slowly around, turning on the spot to try and figure out what Todd was talking about. 

"...no?" 

Todd smirked at him. "Are you sure?" 

Again, Dirk started slowly patting himself, then hesitantly walked over to Todd. "It's not you, because you said you couldn't come?"

"It's not me, try again." 

Dirk looked at Todd, then slowly leaned down and kissed his cheek. Todd froze, taking in the soft, warm press of Dirk's lips on his cheek, all other thoughts abandoning him. He barely noticed when Dirk stood back up, a big smile on his face. 

"Alright then! I'm off! Bye Todd!" 

Todd dazedly watched Dirk dash off, his hand coming up to touch his cheek. Quietly, he murmured, "I had meant your jacket..." 

* * *

No, Todd was _not_ having a panic attack. Nor was he having a gay crisis. He had had one of those already, and had firmly announced he was bi many years ago, thank you very much. No, this was just because of Dirk, his best friend. Who had thought that Todd had insinuated about a forgotten good bye kiss. 

"Dude, you're fucking panicking." Amanda looked both bored and highly amused.

"No I'm not." 

"You've literally been holding your cheek this entire time. I've also been talking about my new marriages to all of the rowdy three, and all you said was 'I'm happy for you,' so obviously, you're not listening to me."

"Shit," Todd cursed, feeling a pang at being a bad brother. "I'm so sorry, Amanda. Fuck. What were we talking about?" 

She waved a hand, leaning back with a smirk. "Doesn't matter. We're talking about you and Dirk now. Does this mean you're boyfriends? Lovers? Partners in _everything?_ " She waggled her eyebrows. 

Todd thumped his head on the table, knowing he should've hidden his reaction from her better. In his defense, his best friend/slight crush had just kissed him and dashed, and he wasn't expecting it at all. 

"I don't know what we are," was the muffled response. Maybe he could just ditch and ride around with Amanda for a bit, just to clear his head. A few days, maybe a month, then he would be ready to deal with this. 

"Don't you dare," Amanda said. "He doesn't deserve that." 

Lifting his head up, Todd raised an eyebrow. "Do what? I didn't say anything." 

"You were going to run away from your problems like a coward, just like always." 

He cringed, looking away. "No I wasn't." 

"Dude." 

"Fine," he sighed. There went his plans. Guess he had to deal with this head on, or at least try and wrap his head around it. "What am I supposed to do then?"

"I thought you had a crush on him?" 

"A small one, I don't know. I don't even know if he likes me, or guys in general." 

Amanda gave him an unimpressed look, showing what she thought of those weak excuses. 

Sighing, Todd looked away, having the grace to look ashamed at least. "Fine. Fine fine fine. I have a crush on him." 

"So what's the problem? He already kissed you-"

"On the cheek!"

"-already _kissed_ you, so he must be fine with it. Why don't you just ask him if he wants to date?" 

"Because he's Dirk, and he'll ramble on and on so I get distracted and he avoids the question, or he will go quiet and run away."

" _Or_ , he says yes immediately and then everything is cool." 

  
"I don't think-" Todd cut off, his phone buzzing in his pocket. He pulled it out and saw a text from Dirk **'Found polar bear, now in cage together STOP Best buds now STOP Bringing him home with me STOP Forty minutes STOP'**

"Is that him?" Amanda tried to get a look at his phone. 

"Fuck." Todd facepalmed. "Yeah. He's bringing the fucking polar bear home. Fuck, I've gotta go." He looked up at her. "Will you be okay?" 

"Yeah," Amanda laughed at him. "Go deal with your boyfriend."

Todd flipped her off as he walked away, already dialing Dirk's number to try and stop him from bringing home a live polar bear.

* * *

"Who the fuck is this?" Todd didn't expect to see a large man sitting on their couch, Dirk chatting away happily.

"Todd!" Dirk cut himself off, turning and smiling widely. "This is Larry! We're best buds now. Didn't you get my text?" 

"Yeah, I got it. Where's the fucking polar bear?" 

"Right here!" He pointed at the man. "Larry here is the best polar bear impersonator on this side of the country! We really bonded in that cage together." 

Todd cursed under his breath, finally spotting the crumpled polar bear suit at the foot of the couch. Why was this his life?

"Okay, okay. Great." He took a deep breath. "Hi Larry, nice to meet you. Dirk, can I talk with you in the kitchen?" He didn't wait for a response, already walking into the other room. He heard Dirk making apologies, but couldn't focus past the fact that he had come back expecting a large bear capable of killing them both, and instead there was a man in their home who probably had his own home to be in, and the rush of adrenaline wasn't helping him order his thoughts. 

"Hi Todd!" Dirk chimed, bouncing into the kitchen. He came up and pressed a quick kiss against his cheek, this time closer to his lips. "What did you want to talk about? You missed such an interesting case! Larry and I had a great time, well he wasn't that great of assistant, especially compared to you, well, he was only there for the last part in the cage, but otherwise-"

"Dirk." Todd's hand was on his cheek again, and could feel himself blushing. Fuck, he had forgotten in his rush to get home that he still hadn't figured out what to do about his crush and Dirk's kissing. 

"Yes? Are you alright, Todd? You seem a bit off." He leaned in close, peering at his face. Todd could barely breath, eyes immediately falling to Dirk's lips. Fuck, he didn't know what to do or say, but all he could think about was kissing Dirk on the lips and seeing if they felt just as soft and warm on his lips as they do on his cheek. 

"I'm uh, I'm fine." He licked his lips, still staring as if in a trance. He shook his head, trying to focus. Polar bear. Case. Then he could deal with his crush. "Dirk, can you please ask Larry to leave? I'm sure he has better places to be." 

"Are you saying that because you don't want him here? We _bonded_ , Todd. You can't just send someone away after what we've been through! We've a _connection_ now, forged through trials and blood." 

"Fucking fuck, Dirk. I believe you, I do. Can he just not stay the night here? You can text him tomorrow to come over if you really want, but I would really like if he wasn't in our home tonight." 

"But I don't have his number. Or, well I suppose it's more of an 'and,' I don't know his last name either. So, that will make it very hard to get a hold of him if you send him away tonight." 

Sigh. "Then why don't you just give him _your_ number?"

"Brilliant! I'll go do that. Then we can ask him to come back tomorrow." Nodding to himself, Dirk left to go talk with Larry. Todd closed his eyes and sighed again. They were handling the polar bear. He could talk with Dirk after about the kissing. If he didn't get distracted again by Dirk's lips, or his smile, his eyes...

"Shit." He murmured under his breath. He had it bad, that was clear. He could barely think past his attraction, past his fondness for Dirk's rambling, always there enthusiasm, and his belief that Todd was a good person. It was enough to make anyone drunk on affection and happiness. 

"Hey Todd?" Came a shout from the living room. "Can you come here?" 

He left the kitchen, stopping beside Dirk looking at the empty couch. "Yeah? He was good with going so soon?"

"Well, not really. He, um. Well, he was already gone when I came out here." 

"Oh." 

"Which is fine, I guess. But, well. He left his polar bear suit." 

Looking down, the crumpled suit was positioned in such a way that it looked more like a bear rug than a suit to be worn. There was an air of mockery around it, though how someone could position a suit to be mocking was beyond him. "Sure did leave the suit." 

They looked at each other then shrugged at the same time, both on the same page. Not the weirdest thing that has ever happened to them, not even the weirdest for this month. It would be one of the easier left overs from a case that was easily disposed of, and also would be _legal_ to dispose of too. Todd didn't know how many laws and restrictions there were to disposing things before he had met Dirk, but the more he learned, the more it seemed they would inevitably have to dispose of something in the dead of night and usually over a pier. Throwing a suit in a dumpster would be a piece of cake comparably. 

"Well then." Dirk said, turning to go to his room. "Guess I'm going to bed." 

Todd's heart sped up. He didn't want Dirk to leave. He wanted to talk about the kisses. Well, he supposed he didn't really want to talk about it, but he wanted to know what Dirk was thinking, what he would think about kissing Todd again, on the lips this time. What being in a relationship would look like. Dirk going to bed would mean Todd would chicken out tomorrow, and the next day, and the next day after that. He would have to do it tonight, do _something_ tonight. Before he backed out and Amanda kicked his ass for his own stupidity. 

"Hey Dirk," he called softly, heart beating over time in his chest so loudly he was sure Dirk could hear it from across the apartment. "Aren't you forgetting something?" 

"Am I?" Came the reply, Dirk not turning around. 

Fuck fuck fuck. Todd had just wanted to get another kiss, wanted to take the easy way out and maybe turn his head at the last minute and kiss Dirk on the lips, show him that he wanted something more. It was so stupid to think that Dirk would be interested, would want anything more with him. Here he was making his best friend awkward and so uncomfortable he couldn't even look at him! Maybe Dirk felt better if he was the one starting the kisses? But, Todd had asked the same question earlier, and Dirk was happy, or at least he thought he was, to kiss him then? Fuck. He ruined it all. 

"Um..." Todd clenched his fists, glaring at the floor. "No, sorry. I think I just got confused." 

He kept his gaze on the floor, barely breathing as Dirk's flower patterned socked feet came into view. A finger lightly lifted his chin up, but Todd kept his eyes focus downward. 

"Todd? Are you asking for another kiss?" 

Todd hesitantly looked up at Dirk, prepared for anger or maybe annoyance, not the small smile and crinkled eyes. Did this mean that Dirk knew what Todd had been trying to do? And he was fine with it?

He tried to swallow past his dry throat. "Yes, please." 

Dirk carefully grabbed Todd's clenched hands, bringing them up to his face and waiting for Todd to gently place them on his cheeks. He smiled at Todd, his hand on Todd's chin staying put, the other wrapping around his waist. "Would a kiss on the mouth be a good way to consummate becoming boyfriends?" 

Todd could barely breathe. How was it that Dirk could be so ignorant and unsure of the world around them, but when it came to Todd, he seemed to know exactly what to do, seemed to always know what Todd wanted a step before he did himself? Todd could barely do anything except for nod helplessly. "Yes, please." 

Dirk grinned. "To new boyfriends." He leaned in, and both of them closed their eyes. Todd felt safe and grounded in Dirk's arms, wrapped around his waist and splayed on his neck. Waiting with baited breath, he almost gasped when Dirk's lips softly touched his. Dirk kissing him felt amazing, felt loving and warm, felt like everything he had wanted. They pressed soft kisses to each others lips, and Todd could feel Dirk smiling into them, could feel how happy he was, they _both_ were, to be right here, in each other's arms. The kisses felt grounding in a way that being next to Dirk rarely did. If Todd could kiss Dirk or hold his hand any time he got overwhelmed or lost in Dirk's ramblings, he couldn't think of anything better in life. 

Dirk pulled back slowly, resting his forehead on Todd's. "I can barely believe this." 

Todd quickly kissed him on the lips again. "Believe what?" 

"This." He beamed. "I've got a _boyfriend_ now! Can you believe it, Todd?"

Todd laughed, tracing Dirk's lips in a wide smile. "I can't, Dirk. What a ridiculous boyfriend you must have, what am I gonna do now?"

"Hey!" Dirk reared back. The look of affront on his face was counteracted by the large smile he still wore. "I'll have you _know_ , I'm an _excellent_ boyfriend! The very best of the best, I'm such a catch everyone wants me. You're lucky I'm yours!" 

"Of course, Dirk." Todd was laughing along now. He leaned in for another kiss, drawing out the moment when Dirk's breath hitched at the contact. "I'm yours now, and you're mine." 

"Brilliant," Dirk breathed out, barely breaking the kiss. They both continued to kiss, quick pecks turning into longer stretches of deep kisses, hands gripping tight to each other's bodies. Deep kisses that turned into slow, brushes of lips as they considered going to bed, just being able to hold each other while they slept. Who knew that Dirk forgetting his jacket and kissing Todd goodbye would lead to this? That Dirk would for once in his life forget his favorite jacket and instead come back just to kiss Todd? What were the odds of that, right?

**Author's Note:**

> I love comments and kudos! I'll always reply to comments! :)


End file.
